Soft skills. Why are they so important? Let’s dive in.

Sixth grade was hard for me. Middle school was a big transition and it did not go well. I was mildly bullied, my teacher said I was, “worthless,” for not being able to find a classroom I was supposed to drop something off to, and my supposed “friend,” pantsed me in dance class in front of everyone. I never spoke to her again. 

So yeah. Not a great time. 

The Awkwardness of Homeschool

I begged my mom to homeschool me for 7th grade. I was absolutely panicked about what the next year would bring. I was terrified that I wouldn’t be able to find all the different classrooms for my new classes and I’d be called worthless again. Yeah, I know that’s nonsensical, but I was pretty traumatized by the way my teacher had reacted. 

Surprisingly, my mom agreed. She took me out of school and proceeded to take on my education. Sadly, she decided my fraternal twin should do the same, in spite of her vehement disagreement. Sorry sis! 

The rest of my education was…mixed. Turns out my mom wasn’t the most equipped at curriculum. Admitting defeat, I ended up enrolling in an alternative high school where you basically take a week’s worth of work home, do it, and come once a week to go over everything with your teachers. It was real teachers, real curriculum, and a real diploma. 

Problem is? That meant very little socializing with my peers. I was personally fine with that. Peers suck and the last time I’d been friendly with kids my own age, I found myself sans pants in front of everyone. Why would I want to risk that again? Thank goodness I’d worn an oversized raincoat that day and the most anyone saw were my pasty little kneecaps. Why I wore a raincoat to dance in is still beyond me, but for once my questionable fashion choices came handy. 

Anyway, long story slightly less long, I ended up developing into quite an awkward teen. I only had a couple of friends, most of my social life was instead focused on my twin. We did everything together, coming up with silly games and inside jokes that still hold up twenty years later. For that, I’m grateful. However, I was at a huge disadvantage when it came to the real world. Talking to humans? What a crazy idea. 

Social Anxiety: 15/10 Soft Skills: 0

My social anxiety was out of control. When I was at the store I’d give my money to someone else to pay for things, lest some friendly cashier try to strike up conversation that I was ill equipped for. I wouldn’t eat in front of my now husband on our first date, because I was too self conscious. So I just sat there, watching him eat his tacos like some kind of maniac. Yeah. I can’t believe he asked me out on a second one. 

Driving was something I was too chicken to do too. I mean, think about it. The only thing between you and certain death is a superficial line in the road and about twenty four inches of grace from the other cars. It’s actually mind boggling that we don’t all die every time we get in a car. 

Needless to say, I was behind in a lot of things. 

Thankfully, my now husband decided to work on fixing this. He helped push me out of my comfort zone and made me pay for my own items. He encouraged me to drive more and even consoled me with Chinese food and ice cream when I failed my first driver’s test. In my defense, they literally put up a school zone the week before my test and I didn’t realize it. Fun fact. Going over 20 in a school zone is an automatic fail. The more you know, right?

Eventually, I started to normalize. I could ask for help finding things at grocery stores. I could order takeout on the phone. I could and did eat many many things in front of my husband. Trader Joe’s mini pizzas, people. It was pretty much the foundation of our relationship. 

Becoming Almost Normal

The thing that really pushed my social skills to the next level was getting a job. I worked retail at Petsmart for a year and then went on to become a receptionist at an OB/GYN. That made a massive difference. You HAVE to learn people skills when you’re dealing with hormonal, grumpy women who are none too pleased that their doctor canceled them at the last second to deliver a baby. Fun, fun times for everyone. 

By the way, my twin had her own social anxiety issues, though not so pronounced as mine. She worked at the same clinic and on her first day answering phones she kept accidentally saying, “Good Mormon!” instead of good morning. Still cracks me up. 

So, why am I telling you all of this?

Soft skills are SO important. Not only for everyday life, but especially in business. It drives me nuts, seeing all these job descriptions that want 5+ years of experience (in spite of being marked as “entry level”), a million certifications or degrees, knowledge of this system or that technology, and yet no appreciation for soft skills. 

Here’s the thing. If someone doesn’t know EVERYTHING on your job description, they can be taught. But soft skills? Those are invaluable. Yes, they can be learned too. I’m living proof of that, but it’s a lot easier to teach someone how to use scheduling software than it is to be a pleasant person. 

Yay for Soft Skills!

My husband has been involved in hiring several people throughout his career. He’s always said that soft skills are what he really looks for in a person. The ability to communicate well, to learn new concepts, to have a personality that is easy to work with. He says he knows he can teach them everything else, but those qualities are vital to do so. 

What do soft skills actually entail?

• Clear communication
• Work ethic
• Self managing time and tasks
• Reliability
• Interpersonal abilities
• Getting along with others
• Working well as a team
• Taking feedback constructively and humbly

That last one is probably the most underrated on this list. People are always going to have suggestions for how they want things. No matter how good you may or may not be, you will get feedback and you might not always like it. Guess what? Suck it up. You’ll never get better if you don’t get out of your own head. Outside perspective is life changing and will make you a better worker if you have the guts to admit you aren’t perfect at something. 

In my experience, when I’m first starting out at something, there are always little details that I miss and I’ve been lucky enough to have my leaders point them out. My policy is to take the advice cheerfully, take notes, and learn from the experience. The thing is, when someone is going out of their way to make you better at something, they are using time and energy on YOU. The least you can do for all this help is not be a poop face about it. You’re going to make mistakes. You’re going to always have room for improvement. You’re going to have plenty of times when you’re wrong. You can still be pleasant, though. Just because you’re wrong, doesn’t mean you can’t be nice. 

Soft Skills as an Asset

If you are still working on your soft skills? Keep at it. If I can do it, anyone can. It just takes practice, a little bravery, and the understanding that you might do something wrong every once in a while. You might say, “Good Mormon!” or you might have to admit you could have done a project a little bit better. Expect mistakes. Expect mishaps. But keep at it. You’ll get there. It does get easier and you’ll be all the better for it. 

And if you’re a business owner? You really should value soft skills as the asset they truly are. Yes, someone may not check every single box on your list, but if they have a wonderful personality and a strong work ethic, they’ll catch up to your other expectations in no time. In this harsh, wretched world we live in where most people are hugely unpleasant, we need to reward personable workers more. They truly make the workplace a better environment for everyone.